I am writing to let you know that you are letting me down. You are not holding up your end of this bargain we entered into almost 46 years ago. I am not one to shame and to blame, but here are the facts as I see them.
The skin that miraculously stretched (and then stretched some more) to accommodate baby #1 and baby #2 has decided that it will stretch no more. Now it has decided to sag, especially around my knees. Not that knees are very beautiful in the first place, but they are especially eye-catching when they have saggy skin on top of them. And not in a good way.
Fine print on the television screen no longer appears as letters or numbers, but rather a squiggly, white blob. I can squint and maybe make out a few words, but squinting contributes to other problems (see below). A bigger television set would mean completely replacing the entertainment center….$$$$$. I guess I could just wear my glasses, but they make me look old. OK, look older.
My face has started to resemble a road map. Actually, I guess it’s more of a topographical map, complete with all of the waterways and valleys. The area around my eyes has many little rivers and tributaries, which I am sure are made worse by the squinting to make out the fine print on the television set (see above). The valleys that extend from my nose down towards my chin are referred to by dermatologists as “parentheses”, in an attempt to make them seem more benign. Some mornings, when I look in the mirror I expect to see a word between them, like my face has turned into an English paper.
The latest curve you have thrown at me is unruly eyebrows. My hair is naturally wavy, which can be a good thing on top of your head. Not on your eyebrows. If I trim them back, I risk bald spots that will need to be filled in with pencil or sharpie pen. If I leave them alone, they resemble what my hubby calls “Senator eyebrows”. Look at those old guys next time you watch CNN. You’ll see what I mean.
I have chronic bursitis/tendonitis in my hips which prevents me from running a marathon. OK, I didn’t really want to run one anyway, but it’s easier to blame you.
Was it something I did to cause you to rebel?
I apologize for the brief addiction to Diet Pepsi in the early 80’s, for the late nights and greasy cafeteria food in college, and for the years when I didn’t exercise at all. I’m sorry for the hours spent by the backyard pool, sizzling myself in baby oil. Maybe I didn’t appreciate you enough when you weren’t causing me any problems.
Is it too late for us? Can we move forward together in partnership? Or will I be fighting you every step of the way going forward?
I would love to be partners again and make this work out. Speaking of working out, maybe you and I can hit the treadmill this afternoon. Or get an iced mocha at Starbucks……