Visit with an Old Friend

There are certain people in our lives who have a major impact on who we become. Their actions determine the course our lives can take, whether good or bad. Their impact may never be known to them, unless they stay in our lives or we have the chance to visit them later in life.

I decided it was time to pay a visit to one of these people.

Me.

As I approach the front door, I see something that looks like a stuffed animal hanging from the handle.  “Baby Sleeping“, it says on a little eyelet heart in a cutesy blue script. So I do what anyone else in this situation would do.
BAM BAM BAM!!
It takes a few minutes, and then the door opens slightly.  A thinner, less wrinkled, short overalls-clad version of me peers out.
“Hi,” she says in barely more than a whisper.  “My baby is sleeping, can I help you?”
“Actually,” I say confidently, “I am here to help YOU.”
“You look familiar; do I know you from the Mom’s Club?”
“Something like that. Mind if I come in?”
“My baby’s sleeping, so I am very busy right now.”
The older, more confident me won’t take this as a no.  “Thanks, I won’t stay long,” I say as I start to push through the door.
Younger me steps aside and I walk into the family room. Scanning the room feels like thumbing through an old photo album. Like if I had really managed to prepare any photo albums in the past 16 years. Familiar items long since discarded grab my attention from shelves and the coffee table.  The whole room is neat and tidy and the place is deadly quiet.
“So you say you’re busy, but what exactly are you doing while the baby sleeps?”
“I have lots to do. I empty the dishwasher, put away the toys, organize the board books by category, alphabetize the alphabet blocks, fold laundry, clip coupons, read Parenting magazine, pay bills, and mop the floor. I would vacuum, but I don’t want to wake the baby.”
“OK, here’s the deal with all of that.  It’s pointless, useless drudgery!  Eventually it will all get done anyway. You should be taking a nap when the baby naps! Maybe if you did that, we wouldn’t have so many wrinkles and such a dull complexion later!” I worry that I may sound angry or bitter, so I try and soften my tone a bit. 

Maybe I am a little bitter about the wrinkles, since she sure doesn’t have many.

“Do you really think it matters that the blocks are in alphabetical order?” I say. “That the books are sorted into categories? Can’t Board Books be a category all its own?”
“It matters to me. It makes me feel like I have some control over my day, like I’m a good mom,” she says, now eyeing me a bit more closely. “Wait, did you say “we” when you were ranting about wrinkles?”
“Yeah, take a good look sister, ’cause I am the 46 year old you,” I say, hoping it doesn’t sound mean or threatening.  OK, maybe just a bit mean.
She takes a step back, analyzing my hair, my face, and my clothes.  “What’s the deal with your pants, they aren’t long enough!” she says, sneering at my capris.
“These, my dear, are capri pants. They will become quite popular in a few years. Because you ate so much ice cream, loved you some hot dogs and some bacon, and didn’t exercise at all, now I have to wear capri pants instead of shorts. You left a lot of cottage cheese on these thighs for me to deal with.  And while we are on the subject of clothes, you might want to re-think this whole short-alls thing.  They aren’t working for you, and the pointy white Keds don’t complete the outfit; they make it worse.”
She looks shocked, but quickly regains her composure. “But I’m comfortable, and these are cute!”
“Cute is for babies! You will never again have the body of a 30 year-old. Never. You just don’t appreciate it now, so you cover it up with short-alls and t-shirts. Live a little! Enjoy what you have!”
She glances down at her outfit, brushing breakfast crumbs from the bib of the overalls. “I am a mom. I will dress like a mom and act like a mom, not like some teenage hottie.”
I try and control my laughter, but she’s almost too funny to watch. “That’s not what I mean! Just live a little, fix yourself up a bit, do it for us. Take up jogging, buy some fashionable clothes, start getting facials, use more sunscreen, and please….lose the bangs.”
Now she looks angry. I think my visit may be coming to an end.
“Thank you for your visit, but I’m really not interested in my life 16 years from now! This whole conversation is just a bunch of malarky! You seem to be blaming me for all of your flaws when, in reality, I’m sure there are tales to be told of life in your 40’s that certainly aren’t MY fault. Don’t you still eat ice cream and bacon? Enjoy that glass of wine before bed? Exercise only when it’s convenient?”
Sensing that I’d better go, I stand and head for the door. “It’s been nice visiting with you, and I hope you’ll think about what I said.” Before leaving, I turn back briefly. “Oh, and those perfectly nice C-cups you are nursing the baby with? Enjoy them while you can. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

This post is linked up to Word Up, YO!, which is masterminded by KLZ, Natalie, and Liz; The Word of the Week is:

Malarky

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Comments

  1. Haha this is great! Great use of Malarky!! What a fun post this must have been to write! thanks for sharing it!!

  2. Aging Mommy says:

    Interesting – fun, but also somewhat sad I feel as so many new Moms go through the exact same things. What they all need is some veteran Moms to come and help them realize it while they are still new Moms and before, for some, things start spiraling out of control. Something I hope to be able to do myself one day.

  3. Middle Aged Dreamer says:

    Love love love it!

  4. Melissa {adventuroo} says:

    I really loved this post, Sherri! It's amazing how much we feel we HAVE to do. I'm the same way and constantly remind myself to sloooowwww down.

    I'm still laughing about the C cups comment– hilarious!

  5. I LOVED LOVED LOVED this! So funny and so true! Well, I never wore the shortalls, but I did rock some overalls! Way to blend a great lesson with a lot of humor.

  6. Bethany @ Organic Enchilada says:

    OK, you totally deserve to win. This was so funny and so true. I might actually go for a jog tomorrow now… πŸ™‚

  7. Oh, awesome post…and not just cuz you used "malarky" πŸ˜‰

    Sherri – this is really fantastic and I'm including it in my Saturday favorites!!

  8. Booyah's Momma says:

    This might be one of my favorites you've written. Hilarious. And the last words uttered by the present-day Sherri were so true. Mine were only B-cups, but I miss them terribly.

  9. Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) says:

    This is so cleverly written, I loved it! Wow…were you talking to me or something? Seriously…need to step outside of this little life of mine sometimes and remember the big picture πŸ™‚

  10. This is SUCH a great way to look at things and us and life. my favorite line – by far – is love me some hot dogs and bacon!!

  11. MrsMayhem says:

    Such a clever idea for a post. If only it were possible… I wish the current-me could go back and give new-mom-me a few words of advice.

  12. Your best post so far, Sherri! I'm gonna retweet it. Really good. While my old version of "me" was only about 5 years ago, the vain attempts to bring control into one's life is something that I think a lot of mothers struggle with. Yep, i was categorizing books and toys. For what purpose?

    Fab post, really.

  13. Lula Lola says:

    You should get an award for this post! I wish we could have all been warned that the keds weren't doing us any favors!
    I'd love to go back in time and talk to the old me. I'd start with the 19 year old me and drop in about once a year. Straighten that girl out!

  14. Oh my word – hilarious. Sadly, so true.

    And I was just debating whether or not to cut bangs again – thanks for the reminder that it was a bad idea the last two times.

  15. This makes me laugh so hard. Especially the words "short alls".

  16. This is so great! I love your posts…every one of them, but this one is spectacular!

    I laughed the hardest at the alphabetized blocks. Been there, done that, gave up on that after kid #1! Thanks for the hearty chuckle this morning!

  17. The Flying Chalupa says:

    What a creative post – love the going-back in time aspect and confronting yourself. And it's true, our decisions (food) really do (exercise) come back (food) to haunt us. Wonderful read.

  18. ha – ha – this was clever – enjoyed it!

  19. Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip says:

    You are so clever!! I LOVED this post and it left me thinking what my older self would say to me right now. Arghh!!! It's painful even thinking about. Probably something starting with, "You really should wear something besides cotton shorts and scuzzy t-shirts, esp. when you go out with your husband." Yeah that might be a good start. Anyway, I just found your site while cruizing the mommy blogs. Love it and you!! Can't wait to read more. You are awesome on fire.

  20. Could you also ask your older-self to tell your younger-self to tell me to wear sunscreen on my face or I am really going to regret it in 15 years? So many things I would tell my younger-self. It makes me wonder what my 65 year old self would tell me now.

  21. I LOVE THIS!!! Just LOVE it. I would have so much to say to my younger self – but never imagined really doing so. This post was so clever, Sherri. Love it! Thank you!

  22. I didn't get to read this earlier in the week because of my schedule, but it's great! So funny! You absolutely deserved to be made!

  23. I am your newest follower. I read about this post on Mommy of a Monster and it didn't disappoint. πŸ™‚

    Great use of the WOW and super creative.

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