Envy

I see you sizing me up in the grocery store, you sweet young thing.

You may not be able to place this feeling quite yet, but I’ll give it a name for you.

Envy.

I didn’t get this way overnight you know. Turning into a late-40’s goddess takes time and dedication.

A willingness to forgo exercise for vanilla scones and a Venti mocha.

To leave the lip gloss at home when grocery shopping.

To skip the nail salon/spa facial/tooth whitening in favor of buying a yearbook for your kid.

Time to accept reality and finally be comfortable in my own skin.

Skin that’s not only soft, but supple. Actually the dimply fat accumulating underneath is what’s supple. I feel soft and squishy when you hug me. And this nice little curve of belly that the lady hormones have created is going to be the next big thing.

An accessory coveted by the younger crowd. Not available in stores.

And while my legs and butt may be somewhat thin, there’s a certain softness that descends upon middle-aged women that you might not see when you look at me in the grocery store checkout line.

But it allows me to sit for hours on end without pain. To double-check algebra homework, play Monopoly on a rainy day, comfort a sick child, drive the carpool, or just be plain old lazy do some writing.

You pay big money every month for those highlights to accent the colors in your hair. Or bring in new colors not found in nature.

My highlights are silver and shiny, quite possibly the color of angel’s wings. They grow in a neatly-organized rows at my roots without fail every four to six weeks.

Little soldiers in the war that age is waging on my scalp.

When I’m not too lazy (or too cheap), I call in the troops and temporarily render my natural highlights a brownish-red.

But I see you eyeing them now, wishing they were yours.

Someday, young one.

And these wrinkles? Each and every one earned with a laugh or a funny story; countless sleepless nights with a sick baby; crying over a loved one lost.

You may want them, but they’re mine. You will earn your own in time.

I may not be on Gossip Girl or the cover of People Style Watch, but when I walk through my own front door?

I’m a Super Model.

People fall at my feet, begging for autographs. Or maybe they’re begging for a home-cooked meal and a signature on their homework packet.

No matter; I am beautiful as I glide effortlessly through my home tending to the masses and changing lives as I adjust my tiara.

Hubs treats me like I’m Cindy Crawford. He can’t see the spider veins, wrinkles, gray hair, or floppy arms. So I soak up the attention and give it right back.

Because it’s like I’m the star in my own reality show.

I’m finally comfortable in my own skin.

Sure, it doesn’t stretch quite the way it used to. It dimples, sags, and puckers.

But I’ve found that my life’s purpose goes way beyond skin deep. Beyond the clothes I wear or the flash of my whiter-than-white teeth.

Deeper still, inside my heart, where maybe only my family can see the real me.

And I’m beautiful.

Comments

  1. Galit Breen says:

    OMG, woman- this is amazing! Truly: amazing.

  2. Soge shirts says:

    Great post Sherri. Glad that you are comfortable in the skin that you are in as compared to your younger days. Also awesome that your hubs treats you so well. I really like how you wrote this one. It's funny how ones self esteem can go up as we age. Mine has gone up quite a bit since I was a teen.

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  3. Yes you are. Beautiful. A Super Model.
    Love this. Love you.
    s

  4. Getrealmommy says:

    I can tell you that I am striving for what you have. At almost 37, I'm not quite there yet.

  5. Dana @ Bungalow'56 says:

    A Star in your own reality show. Loved that. I've just recently discovered my inner diva. I'm not sure where it is going to take me, but the possibilities are endless.

  6. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points says:

    You are beyond beautiful.

    You are stunningly incredibly gorgeous.

    And yeah…when exactly did a year book start competing with a mid-sized car for price???

  7. You are too funny. And yes, beautiful. So elequantly written.

  8. Annette says:

    I LOVE this post! Yes, I am earning my wrinkles one by one–they ARE badges of honor and sacrifice. I hope one day I'm just as comfortable in my own skin…I'm getting there, but not quite yet…You're my inspiration.

  9. Lula Lola says:

    I wish I was where you are! Someday, maybe.

  10. RottenMom says:

    This is all kinds of wonderful!
    My favorite part "silver and shiny, quite possibly the color of angel's wings"
    I'm going to think of this next time I look in the mirror and hate on my gray.

  11. You are stunningly gorgeous. I myself covet your look. Because I have many of those things already and I look homeless instead of hot

  12. Him and Her says:

    Not only is this stunningly beautiful, but I really, really needed to read it today. Thank you!!! Love it.

    http://www.6degreeslove.com

  13. The Empress says:

    This is wonderful, and you have to send it to OwnYourBeauty, at BlogHer. I have the button up at my site.

    WONDERFUL.

  14. Oh yay! I am finally ahead of a fashion curve…the lady hormone's curvy tummy. I've never been a trend setter before!

  15. The mad woman behind the blog says:

    Why yes you are my friend…beautiful from head to toe! I want to be just like you when I grow up!

    Seriously Sherri, I so love what you've written, filled with humor, awareness and acceptance. Admirable!

  16. Nice Sherri, I know you and I know you're beautiful. And "the color of angel's wings" you need to get that trademarked ASAP.

  17. PBJdreamer says:

    Loved this!

    that is all

  18. Leighann says:

    This is fantastic!!
    This is how we should all feel!!
    My favorite line, "My highlights are silver and shiny, quite possibly the color of angel's wings."
    Beautiful

  19. This is the right attitude! Butts create softness for sitting and grey hairs are reminiscent of angel wings!

  20. You are gorgeous. And I DO feel envy (not that I'm a sweet young thing by any stretch) because you are so, so amazing.

    Sigh.

    Just beautiful, Sherri.

  21. Please please submit this to blogHer's own your beauty campaign? please????

  22. This – is fabulous!!! I needed this because this 40+ yo needs to get over it and own it.
    LOVE it!
    Tracy

  23. HonestConvoGal says:

    You are gorgeous. Your writing is divine. I love this in particular "My highlights are silver and shiny, quite possibly the color of angel's wings. They grow in a neatly-organized rows at my roots without fail every four to six weeks." Just awesome.

  24. Julie Hedlund says:

    LOVE! 🙂

  25. Practical Parenting says:

    Amazing post! Funny and beautiful…I'm not that far behind, but I DO envy you!

  26. This is awesome. And you are a supermodel.

  27. Yes, preach it!! Suddenly I'm feeling a lot less upset that I'm going gray before 30! 🙂

  28. JDaniel4's Mom says:

    I love the angel wings! I have several strands appearing. They remind me that I have lived.

  29. Lynn MacDonald says:

    Well, this was beautiful and seriously…I'm way older than you but I still fight it…kinda! I highlight my hair and moisturize my skin because for me? The best revenge is lookingnawesome at 51.

  30. Jg@shredderfood.com says:

    Wonderful post. Goes for guys too.

    So many people forget to wear their experience proudly, with HONOR.

    You are an inspiration.

  31. Meg at the Members Lounge says:

    I think you stole the contents of my brain and magically made them make sense in this post. Brilliant!

  32. erin margolin says:

    I'm with Empress & Gigi on this one—time to submit to BlogHer!
    😉
    It's perfect. So well said.

  33. Pamela Hutchins says:

    Yes, you are beautiful! And you know what, that attitude inside that finally realizes "I don't owe anyone a falsified exterior," that "I am not committing a sin against society or crime against persons if they must see me with a gilded wrapper?" That attitude is FREEDOM. It rocks. Great post.

  34. Mom Went Crazy says:

    Oh I can't WAIT until I'm there. I think I have another 15 years before I get it, but when I finally cross that line, I'll be so happy. I'm still so self conscious of everything.

  35. Love this. You are such a gifted writer. I'll be 40 next month and I'm still working on embracing those lines that are suddenly appearing on my forehead and around my eyes. You are an inspiration!

  36. Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) says:

    Oh Sherri, how much do I love this? A TON! XOXO

    Well said, heartfelt, and beautiful.

    Submit to BlogHer…this should def. go up there 🙂

  37. Wonderful piece.

  38. Okay, whatever, I've totally met you IRL and you're freakin' gorgeous. But I'll go along with you on this. Because being comfortable in your own skin IS a thing of beauty. That not many people achieve no matter what their age. Love this.

  39. Sluiter Nation says:

    This post is inspiring. it so is. I feel like I needed to read this today.

    Just last night I was standing in front of the mirror hating that I have little grays at age almost-33. hating those little wrinkles I see starting to etch their way around my eyes. hate my eyebrows that already need waxing. hate my belly, my love handles, my….

    maybe I need to do a post like this. you are inspiring, my dear friend.

    and you are so very VERY gorgeous!

  40. I. LOVE. THIS. POST. Beautiful, beautiful, just like you.

  41. julie gardner says:

    Gorgeous post. In every way. So much to envy about you, but all I can do is admire.

  42. Paula @ Simply Sandwich says:

    Oh this is such an awesome post! I really like the part about your angel wings! I am in the same club and feel much better about using this term! Thanks!

  43. Love love love this post!

  44. I am so proud of you for writing this, sharing it and posting it on BlogHer. Every single woman on earth should read it. Love love love!!

    Congratulations on the syndication.

  45. Again – I am SO glad I found you!! Great post

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