How to Prepare for BlogHer

In my ever-constant state of trying to portray myself as a wannabe real writer I have signed myself up to attend my first ever blogging conference, known to all bloggers simply asΒ BlogHer11.

It seemed like the next logical step. I’ve blogged, guest posted, signed on with an awesome advertising network, and had some pieces syndicated.

In my little world of less than 400 subscribers?

I’m a big deal (ha).

Well, at least I get a few comments on my posts from people who aren’t in my immediate family or spambots.

When I bought my ticket many, many months ago it seemed like it would all be so easy. You show up, learn stuff, meet people, then fly home.

Oh, if it were only that easy…

Checklist for BlogHer11

  1. Design Bloggy Business Cards: Do it yourself to save $$ and time. Quickly learn that it does NOT save any time at all. Spend several of your first days of summer break enduring Photoshop lessons from the teenager, cursing your lack of skills, squinting at small fonts, ranting at friends about which blue is best, and uploading twenty-seven different versions to see how they look. Done.
  2. Order Bloggy Business Cards: Tweet friends to see who has used which online printing company. Upload your image to five different web sites to see how they look. Use your questionable math skills to compute which site will save you the most $$ while still making your cards look awesome. Have a bad dream that your cards arrive in the mail, but they are printed on construction paper. Done.
  3. Find Your Peeps: Start trolling your tweeps and bloggy pals to see who else is going. Make mental lists of people in your age group who will understand your need for rest, comfortable shoes,Β and wrinkle cream breaks. Consider aligning yourself with one of the Birds of a Feather groups. Spend way too much time wondering if the Elder Bloggers group means bloggers of your generation or bloggers who blog about old people.
  4. Choose Roommates: Quickly make a move to secure first roommate: someone you adore, have met several times in real life, and is actually part of the same over-40 crowd that you are. Huge sigh of relief that you won’t have to stay up late talking about baby poop and leaky boobs. Realize that rooms are expensive and start trolling for two more roommates. Jump at the chance to secure second roommate, who you adore, makes you laugh, and says funny things about baby poop. Practically jump through computer screen when potential third awesome roommate casually says on Twitter, “I just bought my BlogHer11 ticket!”. Done.
  5. Decide on Workshops: Read agenda. Glaze over on jargon and acronyms that you’ve never heard before. Set agenda aside to read again when your coffee cup is full. Come back to agenda again; still no clue. In progress.
  6. Decide on Parties: Start receiving party invites in email. RSVP to anything and everything you are invited to! Realize after a bit that you have over-RSVP’d and now have more to do than Kate and William did when they visited the United States. Start to un-RSVP. In progress.
  7. Choose Clothing: Stand in closet, staring at clothes. Sob. Buy a few things that might work, then agonize over how many other times you will wear them to justify the expense. Read blog posts about adorable bloggers who have adorable outfits all picked out for the conference. Decide to steal this blogger’s suitcase, since you apparently wear the same size. Ongoing drama.
  8. Dramatic Makeover: Purchase whitening strips for your teeth. Begin insane eat-only-kale-and-rice diet in vain attempt to lose a few pounds. Buy spray tan-in-a-bottle. Realize that real bloggers aren’t tan; return bottle. Consider springing for Botox treatment and skipping meals at conference to make up the cost.
  9. Decide about Dinner for Night #1: Respond to Facebook question about who is in town and available for dinner the first night. Watch email inbox fill with responses, questions, ideas, directives, food allergies, airplane arrival times, reservation phone numbers, restaurant locations. Decide to dine on hotel vending machine food while lounging by the hotel pool.
  10. Enjoy Conference: I know I will. If I am not too exhausted by the planning.

So with two weeks to go until I board that Southwest Airlines flight, I am not much closer to being ready for the conference.

But I did find a cute dress.

Comments

  1. Oh how I love this post! I’m still in limbo whether or not I will make it but want to go desperately. I hope that you have an amazing time. The dress you posted is super cute!

    Cynthia:About.me

  2. So funny! And you are way ahead of me. On a number of fronts!

  3. Eeek! Two weeks! And weeks and we can dine on kale and talk about poop! Wait, what?

    Love you girl and can’t wait to roomy-it-up with you!

    XO

  4. It’s my first time too! And I’m stressing out. What to pack? Who to hang with? How to get invited to a party? Yikes! And I haven’t even decided which sessions to attend!!

  5. Crap – I forgot about the teeth whitening. UGH Now stressed!!!!!!!!

  6. Ack! I need to order business cards!!!

    PS: Both you and the dress are adorbs.

  7. Love the dress!

    My plan is to wear the exact same stuff I wore to BlogHer last year. That way, when people want to see pictures, I can show them last year’s when I was, you know, younger.

  8. Business cards, check. Awesome roomie, check. Everything else, hmmm, whatever.
    But I am tanned, do I get extra points for that?
    I haven’t RSVP’ed for one party.

  9. Maybe you could add to that there list to TAKE ME WITH YOU TO PARTIES since I am not cool enough to be invited to any πŸ™

  10. I love this list! I clicked over from the #BlogHer twitter stream, and I had to giggle when I read about your business card dilemma. I worked on mine off and on for days, then finally stayed up until 1 AM this morning finishing them. AND?! I don’t think I am going to even LIKE them. I have stressed way more over the business cards than my wardrobe – because that’s the kind of nerd I am.

    Also, I *almost* got that dress at Old Navy, but found a little something at Ross instead. I’m sure you will be darling in it!

  11. But I don’t wanna look like a sparkly-less vampire!

    I ALWAYS do tan in a bottle. Otherwise my legs cause blindness. And emotional trauma.

    So say I, First Roommate. Hee!

  12. AHAHAH! This is hilarious!
    IF I ever go, perhaps I shall bring business cards printed on cardboard, in your honor. I think that’s a hilarious prospect!

  13. *fistbump*

    As for me, I’m doing your first agenda:

    board plane, show up.

  14. It’s my tan that keeps me from being a real blogger, isn’t it?
    Have fun! I know you’ll be a big deal! Can’t wait to hear all about it.

  15. I’ll be there, and despite being under thirty I will be getting plenty of beauty sleep. That’s just how I roll.
    I honestly can’t wait, there are so many amazing women and men going to this. Maybe a bit terrifying. Maybe a bit overwhelming. Maybe a bit out of my comfort zone…. maybe exactly what I need.
    Hope I get a chance to rub shoulders with you!

  16. Seriously, although I am three years shy of 40, can I hang out with you? Because I am useless towards the end of the evening. (not saying that you are useless. taking foot out of mouth now.) πŸ™‚
    I have had to add in all sorts of drs appts between now and two weeks from now, so all of my to do’s are getting crammed.
    And really, might it be ok if I crash your lounging by the pool party that first night? xo

  17. LOVE the dress!

    Sigh. All these BlogHer posts are making me very sad I will not be attending. But BlogHer ’12, oh I am all over that. (I hope).

    HAVE FUN!!

  18. I would so understand your breaktastic needs. Sorry I won’t see you there!

  19. Wait – what’s this about 2 weeks? I’m in total denial.

    And a cute dress is all you need, girl! I should really get that. Lord.

    Can’t wait to see you!

  20. Stop it right this second. You’re over 40? Hallelujah! I’ve found another one! I’m so fired up about this revelation!

    Oh, and last year at BlogHer, I spray tanned, wore dresses, and sashayed high heels. This year, I shall go translucent, wear leggings, and trudge around in flip flops. πŸ˜‰

    • Wow, I’m over 42. If I were going I’d want to hang with you. I am so translucent I am required to wear leggings, and my dressy shoes are really flat comfy sandals. When I tried spray tan I was so orange people asked if I was going to a pumpkin party. Well the nice ones did, the others suggested I call my doctor immediately.

      Hope you all have fun. Maybe next year…

  21. lol! This is good stuff.

    I was wondering about the elder class too???

  22. Whew! Makes me glad I am not attending. I am exhausted after reading your post. I am sad that I won’t get to meet you though!
    Have fun!
    Bernice
    Taking care of me

  23. I’m still not all the way through my year of no shopping project (11 months down, one more to go), I won’t be able to get anything new or sparkly for BlogHer. This saddened me. Then, I decided to steal clothes from friends who are the same size. Nothing says “I value your friendship” more than asking someone you adore “Hey ho, lemme get that sparkly dress from you.”

  24. No matter how many lists I read about all the preparation and worry and clothes shopping I DON’T have to do…

    I still get sad that I’m not going.

    I try to tell myself, “Hey! Be glad you don’t have to make business cards or RSVP or whiten teeth or come out of your cave!”

    But nope.

    Sad. Have extra fun for me, please.
    (you do not have to add this to your list. just do it πŸ˜‰

  25. You would look smashing in the dress!

    You will have an awesome time, though I’m guessing you’ll need time to decompress when you come home. Conferences do that to a person.

    See? If I was coming, then you, me and Tracy could all share clothes! #FabulousAs

  26. I found your blog from the #blogher thread (yes I’m stalking it). Love your humor and it’s great to find bloggers that don’t have some variant of mom in their blog name.

  27. This post is so great. And funny. I almost spit out my tea at the part about the food allergies when trying to plan dinner!

    It’s gonna be great! I hope to meet you there! And your awesome roomies too. πŸ™‚

  28. Even though I’m not going, I totally appreciated this post. Very funny! I would have no idea what to wear…none at all. But the dress you found? VERY cute!

  29. OMG Sherri – you are killing me! Wish I was going because you know I am done with baby poop! πŸ™‚ Take notes because someday when I am a grown-up blog I may need them!

  30. I love, love, love your dress! It’s so adorable!

    If you found an over 40 group, sign me up!

    I’m probably the only person going to BlogHer 11 who isn’t receiving emails for parties! I’ll just have to make due with the three official ones each night!

  31. I love this! I am in total denial that this in happening in 2 (!!!!) weeks. Every time I think about making a To Do list, I want to cry and eat a cookie (I mean eat kale, of course, kale!).

  32. You crack me up!!

    And agenda? What agenda?

  33. Can’t wait to meet you in a few weeks, and give you a big ol’ hug, Sherri. Totally getting excited now.

    And don’t worry about what to wear. I’m bringing 4 pairs of Groucho glasses… one for each of the roomies. Really, when you have accessories like that, what else do you need?

  34. I found your site via the #blogher11 stream on Twitter! love it! I must confess when I saw that Birds of a Feather session on Elderly bloggers I cringed before clicking, fearful that I’d see my name listed there:)

    Totally hoping to connect with you at the conference!

  35. This is my first BlogHer and I am doing everything on your list. Mostly panicking.

  36. I’m keeping this post stashed in a safe place in case I ever make it to a conference!
    Have Fun!!!

  37. The dress is very cute.

    I’m going for the first time and I’m afraid I will just stand in the Expo hall the entire time looking lost.

  38. You sound like you’re ready. You’ll have a blast. I did. And I’m a member of the Broken Chromosome Brigade.

    Relax … you’ll be fine!

  39. Oh, I love this! Thank you for the shout out.

    I have SO much prep to do before August 4.

    Counting down the days until I get to meet you!!

  40. P.S. That is a darling dress!

  41. Ha. I’ve been there with the business cards. I’m hopeless at that stuff and should just accept it.

    So sad I don’t get to meet you at BlogHer. Have a great time!

  42. Hey, Sherri, I love this post!

    And I want to let you know I’m linking to it on MY BlogHer post that’s going up tomorrow.

    Can’t wait to see you there.

  43. friend? if ever you need a break? You know I am your girl. I have quit rsvp-ing for things. I am full…over full. and I refuse to run around like a crazy person from party to party just to hit them all. that sounds like the opposite of fun to me.

    we will stick together and just enjoy without giving into madness!

  44. You are going to have so much fun!

  45. Awesome post & check list! Hope to run into you in that cute dress in San Diego!

  46. So disappointed I won’t get to meet you. You will have a great time!

  47. I finally got my wardrobe picked out, and was feeling pretty good until you reminded me I have to eat dinner with someone! Ack!! I’m sure someone will take pity…

    Will be looking for you and your cute dress!!

  48. I haven’t really done any of this. I have my business cards and my agenda planned but really that’s it. I have not RSVP’d to any parties, made any lists, secured friends to keep me company. Guess I’ll just be hanging out by myself in the corner. Oh well. At least I have a feather in my hair and cute wedge heels to wear. πŸ˜‰

  49. This will be my very first BlogHer as well and I’m excited. And scared. And excited. And already packed? What?! My clothes live in a Dude inhabited danger zone. Anything I have today within Dude touching zone may not even exist tomorrow. Better safe and hideously wrinkled at BlogHer than butt naked and sorry! See ya there!

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