In my ever-constant state of trying to portray myself as a
wannabe real writer I have signed myself up to attend my first ever blogging conference, known to all bloggers simply as BlogHer11.
It seemed like the next logical step. I’ve blogged, guest posted, signed on with an awesome advertising network, and had some pieces syndicated.
In my little world of less than 400 subscribers?
I’m a big deal (ha).
Well, at least I get a few comments on my posts from people who aren’t in my immediate family or spambots.
When I bought my ticket many, many months ago it seemed like it would all be so easy. You show up, learn stuff, meet people, then fly home.
Oh, if it were only that easy…
Checklist for BlogHer11
- Design Bloggy Business Cards: Do it yourself to save $$ and time. Quickly learn that it does NOT save any time at all. Spend several of your first days of summer break enduring Photoshop lessons from the teenager, cursing your lack of skills, squinting at small fonts, ranting at friends about which blue is best, and uploading twenty-seven different versions to see how they look. Done.
- Order Bloggy Business Cards: Tweet friends to see who has used which online printing company. Upload your image to five different web sites to see how they look. Use your questionable math skills to compute which site will save you the most $$ while still making your cards look awesome. Have a bad dream that your cards arrive in the mail, but they are printed on construction paper. Done.
- Find Your Peeps: Start trolling your tweeps and bloggy pals to see who else is going. Make mental lists of people in your age group who will understand your need for rest, comfortable shoes, and wrinkle cream breaks. Consider aligning yourself with one of the Birds of a Feather groups. Spend way too much time wondering if the Elder Bloggers group means bloggers of your generation or bloggers who blog about old people.
- Choose Roommates: Quickly make a move to secure first roommate: someone you adore, have met several times in real life, and is actually part of the same over-40 crowd that you are. Huge sigh of relief that you won’t have to stay up late talking about baby poop and leaky boobs. Realize that rooms are expensive and start trolling for two more roommates. Jump at the chance to secure second roommate, who you adore, makes you laugh, and says funny things about baby poop. Practically jump through computer screen when potential third awesome roommate casually says on Twitter, “I just bought my BlogHer11 ticket!”. Done.
- Decide on Workshops: Read agenda. Glaze over on jargon and acronyms that you’ve never heard before. Set agenda aside to read again when your coffee cup is full. Come back to agenda again; still no clue. In progress.
- Decide on Parties: Start receiving party invites in email. RSVP to anything and everything you are invited to! Realize after a bit that you have over-RSVP’d and now have more to do than Kate and William did when they visited the United States. Start to un-RSVP. In progress.
- Choose Clothing: Stand in closet, staring at clothes. Sob. Buy a few things that might work, then agonize over how many other times you will wear them to justify the expense. Read blog posts about adorable bloggers who have adorable outfits all picked out for the conference. Decide to steal this blogger’s suitcase, since you apparently wear the same size. Ongoing drama.
- Dramatic Makeover: Purchase whitening strips for your teeth. Begin insane eat-only-kale-and-rice diet in vain attempt to lose a few pounds. Buy spray tan-in-a-bottle. Realize that real bloggers aren’t tan; return bottle. Consider springing for Botox treatment and skipping meals at conference to make up the cost.
- Decide about Dinner for Night #1: Respond to Facebook question about who is in town and available for dinner the first night. Watch email inbox fill with responses, questions, ideas, directives, food allergies, airplane arrival times, reservation phone numbers, restaurant locations. Decide to dine on hotel vending machine food while lounging by the hotel pool.
- Enjoy Conference: I know I will. If I am not too exhausted by the planning.
So with two weeks to go until I board that Southwest Airlines flight, I am not much closer to being ready for the conference.
But I did find a cute dress.