I need some new shorts. Nothing fancy. Just regular, everyday, plain vanilla shorts.
The problem is, they don’t exist anymore. At least, not for me.
I went shopping the other day after realizing that my supply of acceptable shorts was, well, in short supply. I grabbed the first pair from the shelf that looked
cute normal and headed for the fitting room. I was feeling pretty smug….do a quick try-on, go back to the shelf to get several more colors and be done. This was easy!
Then I tried them on. And turned around in the dressing room.
When did shorts get SO SHORT? Or did my legs just get longer? I understand the basic idea that shorts are supposed to be shorter than pants (duh), but a 2-inch inseam on my 40-something legs isn’t doing anyone any favors. I think these should be called briefs. So I headed back out to the shelf to search for some longer shorts.
Sort-of shorts, I guess I would call them. The five-inch inseam looks long enough, so back to the dressing room I go. There was a point in my life that I would have called these shorts “Mom Shorts”. This was years ago, when the Mom living in my house wasn’t me. Back when I would buy a pair of shorts and my father would say “What happened to the rest of the fabric?”. But back then I hadn’t been blessed by the Cellulite Queen or the Spider Vein Fairy, or caught Baggy Knee Disease. I had no idea what was coming.
But now five inches seems short too. I go back to the shelf a third time, now finding some cute Bermudas. I KNOW these are in style, I see them everywhere! On fashionable people! And, they are still classified as shorts (hence the name, Bermuda Shorts). These may be the answer to my summer wardrobe….long enough to cover the Things Nobody Wants to See, yet short enough to qualify as shorts.
And then I tried them on. Did you know that Bermuda shorts end above the knee….and just far enough above that they don’t hide Baggy Knee Disease? I wasn’t aware.
If they get any longer, they aren’t shorts anymore, which then means that I’m not keeping cool when the temps climb. So now I am back to the original problem that sent me shopping in the first place: What do I wear this summer?
I briefly thought about stocking up on new sundresses, until I held one up and looked in the mirror. When did sundresses get SO SHORT??